Exploring Disappointment

I was at work today, catching up on filing that should have been done months ago. I was looking at the large amount of work in front of me and I was disappointed in myself for letting things pile up like that. I started thinking about disappointment - is it a useful, or not-so-useful feeling? Then I started to question the experience all together. Why did I feel disappointed? The answer is that the expectations that I have for myself (and perhaps others have for me) are not currently being met.

My roomates have a daughter who is one. She has many toys, and they are everywhere. If at the end of the day her toys are not arranged neatly in her toy basket no one is disappointed in her. Why? They had no expectation that she would do so.

I told my roomate this evening that if someone were to call me tomorrow and tell me I had not won the world series, I would not be disappointed. I am not a baseball player - far from it. When I play baseball I usually just swing, hit the ball 2 feet, and a pre-selected runner dashes for first base in my place. So why would I be disappointed?

If I heard that someone had won the lottery, I would be a little disappointed. I do not buy lottery tickets, but I do have a small expectation that, if I should purchase a ticket, there is a greater chance I should win than if I do not purchase one. It is a small disappointment, because I am able to rationalize with such things as: "There is SUCH a slim slim slim slim chance of me winning that it is not worth my dollar". But still, I would feel a tiny swinge of disappointment.

This lead me to think about dreams that people make for their lives - how they expect things to turn out. I started thinking about people who live for nothing. People who say they believe there is no God, no reason for existence except to exist for a short time. Or people who waste their lives, and say things like "This is just how it is".

I hear their disappointment, their hopelessness. But if these things are true, why would they feel so horrible? Where does our desire, our expectation for a life of meaning and purpose come from? If we were not made to feel that way, why are we disappointed? Why aren't we like my roomate's daughter, off to bed as carefree as when we first woke up?

I think it's because God created in us a desire to really live our lives to the fullest - to not settle for a humdrum life.

With that said, I should now quit my job, and start hitchhiking accross the U.S. with a suitcase and a new camera. Think I can find an AC adapter for my C-Pap?


Questions to think about: Is there anything in your life you are currently disappointed about? How is disappointment a positive feeling? How is it negative? Why do you think we experience it?