Free Fall

I love when people sing me songs. There are several people that I will demand to sing. I called up my friend James this evening just because I wanted to hear a ThirdEyeBlind song called Motorcycle Drive-by. It's an awesome song that, as my friend James put it, "even people who own the CD haven't heard of".

"Summertime and the wind is blowing outside in lower Chelsea and I don't know what I'm doing in this city. The sun is always in my eyes. It crashes through the window as I'm sleeping on the couch when I came to visit you. That's when I knew that I could never have you. I knew that before you did. Still I'm the one who's stupid. And there's this burning, like there's always been. I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive."

So alone and so alive. That line is how I have been feeling. Like I'm about to leap from a plane with no parachute, jump off a bridge with no bungee cord, swing from a trapeze with no net... When I think of the endeavors in my near future I am terrified and immediately I feel my adrenaline start pumping. I am hesitant and I think, "NO, there must be a net! There must be something to stop these events from occurring!" But there isn't, I just plummet toward my future, attempting to grab on to anything that seems remotely stable. However, I feel at this point in my life God wants me to be very unstable. And that is frightening, exhilarating, and annoying as hell.